Monday, August 07, 2006

on men

I have been trying to get this one posted for a while. I couldn't get it right.

Res's post gets me thinking again about something that I have pondered before.

Some misconceptions about men: Women seem to think that sex is only a physical thing for men, they just want to get laid. When a married man complains about not getting enough, he is just whining, it doesn't really mean anything to him. He's not fussy about who he does it with, any warm body will do. If you withhold it, he can take it.

But that is not the way it really is.

Women are supposed to be the ones who tie emotional needs to sex. A woman need to feel loved to have sex. What they don't realize is, a man needs to have sex to feel loved.

I think there are two reasons for sex from a man's point of view. The first is primarily physical. It is the release, relieves stress, endorphins, etc. I think women see this part clearly. They may see it as him using her just to get his rocks off. And she is somewhat justified in believing this, as some men are doing just that. For a happily married man, it is more focused. He may still 'just want to get laid' once in a while, but he only wants to do this with his wife. Obviously there are different seasons in a mans life, the physical need will diminish. (he will only want it once a day)

The second part for men is the emotional. They may not be too aware of it themselves. It is the glue in a relationship for men. After a fight and make up, she may want to cuddle, he wants sex. For him, it is how he knows they're OK. Women need to be told that you love them, men need to be shown. This may be the reason that a man doesn't respect a woman after a one night stand. She gave him something so valuable for nothing. Or why a man who doesn't get laid much might fall in love with her. Because she gave him something so valuable.

Of course, a man can have casual sex and not think much of it. He is just taking care of the physical. That probably explains most unfaithfulness too. Such acts are immoral and he should be treated accordingly. I am talking about marriage, and what a man needs out of it.

If a man loves a woman, he needs to be loved back, and the way he is wired to feel that is through sex. It is important to understand that it is not just blowing off steam, it does matter to him who he does it with, and it is necessary for a healthy marriage. And if you withhold it, you are being unfaithful, because he can't take it. He will get frustrated, be short with you, and since everyone knows how well men express their feelings, he most likely won't be able to tell you why. This won't put you in the mood, and things just get worse and worse. Res posted on the what. I am trying to convey the why: Sex for men is not just what they desire, it is a need.

So, the way to a man's heart is not through his stomach. He will love it if you cook him his favorite meal, give him a nice gift, or tell him you love him. But the effectiveness of those things are seriously reduced if he has SRS.

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