Friday challenge

February 31, 2047


For immediate release:

Greenspace Moves to Prevent Di-Hydrogen Oxide Contamination

Building upon our success in creating the Lunar Wild Area Refuge (LunWar) to prevent the tracking of pristine lunar surfaces by moon buggies, Greanspace has moved once more to protect the lunar environment.

Hydro-Unlimited, a subsidiary of Haliburton!, has proposed drilling for di-hydrogen oxide beneath the moon’s surface. Di-hydrogen oxide is a major component of acid rain on Earth, yet Haliburton! executives tell us it is safe.

Proponents of drilling claim that the lunar habitat is lifeless (we disagree), and therefore cannot be damaged by human activities. As we showed in creating LunWar, human activity is damage. If we hadn’t acted, the entire lunar surface would be covered in tracks and footprints. Since the moon is atmosphere impaired, these tracks create permanent scars on the surface of the moon.

Now the industrialists are at it again, proposing to move into LunWar with their drilling rigs, tracking up the surface in their quest for di-hydrogen oxide. Think for a moment what a catastrophe it would be if one tanker of di-hydrogen oxide were to be spilled. They claim it would quickly covert to the solid state, but dare we trust them? The capitalist pigs claim that the di-hydrogen oxide is essential for life. Well, too much is fatal too.

There is a subtlety in the statement that di-hydrogen oxide is "essential to life" that must be explored. Is this an admission of the existence of life on the moon? We think so! The next time someone laughs at you when you insist on protecting the Barking Moonbat, tell them even Haliburton! Execs have admitted they exist.

Call your senator today and tell her not to allow drilling in LunWar.

Giraffe
President
Greenspace

Liar in chief

(picture shamelessly stolen)

Once again, we have a president whose first reaction when in an uncomfortable position is to lie. People accused Bush of lying. More often he was simply wrong. Obama has been caught in several lies, but the state run media never calls him out.

Get your kids into archery.

The pleasure of a good story, well told:

Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little badass compound bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our place sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40 horse Farmall tractor will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough sumbitch.

That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old Dukes of Hazzard fan that I was, I quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up T-shirt doused in chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all over the place. Keep in mind this was 99.999% humidity swampland, so there really wasn't any fire danger. Ill put it this way - a set of post hole diggers and a 3ft. hole and you had yourself a well.

Anyway, one summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows into a large rotten oak stump in our backyard. I look over under the carport and see a shiny brand new can of starting fluid (ether). The light bulb went off. I grabbed the can and set it on the stump. I thought it would probably just spray out in a disappointing manner. Let’s face it, to a 10 yr. old mouth-breather like myself ether really doesn't "sound" flammable. So, I went back into the house and got a 1 pound can of Pyrodex (black powder for muzzle loader rifles) to add to the excitement.

At this point, I set the can of ether on the stump and opened up the can of black powder. My intentions were to sprinkle a little bit around the ether can, but it all sorta dumped out on me. No biggie. A pound of Pyrodex and 16ounces of ether should make a loud pop, kinda like a firecracker, you know? You know what? Screw that. I'm going back in the house for the other can. Yes, I got a second can of Pyrodex and dumped it on, too. Now we're cookin'.

I stepped back about 15ft and lit the two-stroke arrow. I drew the nock to my cheek and took aim. As I released I heard a clunk as the arrow launched from my bow. In a slow motion time frame, I turned to see my dad getting out of the truck... OH SHIT! He just got home from work. So help me God, it took 10 minutes for that arrow to go from my bow to the can. My dad was walking towards me in slow motion with a WTF look in his eyes. I turned back towards my target just in time to see the arrow pierce the starting fluid can right at the bottom. Right through the main pile of Pyrodex and into the can. Oh, shit!

When the shock wave hit, it knocked me off my feet. I don't know if it was the actual compression wave that threw me back or just reflex jerk back from 235 fucking decibels of sound. I caught a half a millisecond glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion; and I will tell you there was dust, grass, and bugs all hovering 1ft above the ground as far as I could see. It was like a little low to the ground layer of dust fog full of grasshoppers, spiders, and a crawfish or two. The daylight turned purple. Let me repeat this...THE DAYLIGHT TURNED PURPLE! There was a big sweetgum tree out by the gate going into the pasture. Notice I said "was". That mother got up and ran off.

So here I am, on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my Thundercats T-shirt shredded, my dad is on the other side of the carport having what I can only assume is a Vietnam flashback – ECHO BRAVO CHARLIE YOUR BRINGIN' EM IN TOO CLOSE!! CEASE FIRE DAMMIT CEASE FIRE!!!!! His hat has blown off and is 30 ft. behind him in the driveway. All windows on the north side of the house are blown out and there is a slow rolling mushroom cloud about 2000ft over our backyard. There is a Honda 185s 3 wheeler parked on the other side of the yard, and the fenders are drooped down and are now touching the tires.

I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment. I don't know. I know I said something. I couldn't hear. I couldn't hear inside my own head. I don't think he heard me either... not that it would really matter. I don't remember much from this point on. I said something, felt a sharp pain, and then woke up later. I felt a sharp pain, blacked out, woke later.... repeat this process for an hour or so, and you get the idea. I remember at one point my mom had to give me CPR so dad could beat me some more. Bring him back to life so dad can kill him again... Thanks, Mom.

One thing is for sure... I never had to mow around that stump again. Mom had been bitching about that thing for years, and dad never did anything about it. I stepped up to the plate and handled business.

Dad sold his muzzleloaders a week or so later. And I still have some sort of bone growth abnormality either from the blast or the beating. Or both..

I guess what I'm trying to say is, get your kids into archery. It’s good discipline and will teach them skills they can use later on in life. Something they won’t learn in school.

Source.

Squid!!

Friday Challenge for this Week

slight story modifications: my object won't fit in a bag, and I'm on a classified mission.


Squid Wars, The Next Generation

I struggled with my cargo in the airlock. It was heavy. I lugged it to the infirmary module and did a quick reconnaissance of the station. I was pleased to find that there was a spare model 5105 maintenance droid stored in one of the warehouse modules.

I linked my handheld into the droid and uploaded the Engineer program.

"Sir?" the droid said when it came online.

"Perform a census of this station, inspect my ship, and report back to me." I said.

"Yes sir," said the Engineer and it left.

I returned to the equipment I had brought. I plugged it into the infirmary receptacles and powered it up.

"Ready" was flashing on the screen. Opening the supply case I selected a membrane, and installed it in the slot. I pressed start.
_______

After a couple of hours, the Engineer droid returned to report.

"Weapons, crew and comm modules destroyed. Estimate 1 week repair on crew module. Weapons and comms will need to be totally re-manufactured. Estimate 21 months to construct the necessary fabrication droids. There are 1 platoons worth of lght weapons in storage. The..."

I interupted him. "Forget the comms. My orders are for communications silence anyway. We will construct receivers if we have time. Maybe we can get some news. As for weapons, we can't handle the Kalimari if they return anyway. We need to get out of here before they return. How soon can you repair my spacecraft?"

"Your ship is poor condition. If you plan to abandon this station, we can cannibalize some of the materials. However, some materials will need to be obtained from the moon's surface. We will need to construct a full line of droids from mining and smelting droids to machinists, and of course, a droid to build the droids. I estimate 6 months. Captain Smith did a full survey scan of this moon, the materials are here."

"What happened to the crew?" I asked

"According to the log, two were on the ship when the Kalamari surprised them. The rest were in the crew's quarters."

"What else was in the station's computer? Did the crew find a habitable planet in nearby?"

"Yes sir. There is planet that scores 87 just over 5 parsec's from here, carrying capacity 7.5 billion. They had not reported it to command yet."

"Good" I said. "that's where we will be going. We will start a station type 14 sequence when we get there. How long till we can be fully operational?"

The droid processed for a full minute. "I estimate we can complete a Mahi-Mahi class cruiser constructed in orbit in about 100 years."

I nodded. So I wasn't going to live to see this through.

"Sir, according to the station's main computer, the Kalimari ship's beacon was activated. "

"I assumed it was. That's why we have to leave so quickly." I said.

"The computer estimated a 57 percent chance they will investigate and, if they come 6 months before ...." said the Engineer.

"They'll come." I said. "We are going to need an espionage droid to alter their ship's log. If we hide our activities, they might not know to come looking for us. You'd better get started."

"Yes sir." The Engineer hurried away.
________
The next day, I checked the machine. "Membrane ready." was flashing on the display. The membrane had formed into a small bulb shape.

I selected a capsule from the supply kit, placed it into the receptacle, and pressed start.
______
The droid passed by as I was checking the machine.

"Are you using that antique?" he asked

"Yes, that's all they gave me." I replied.

"You are not following the protocol?" he asked.

"No, I am not" I admitted.

"Shall I make preparations?" he asked.

"Yes, in a few weeks" I said.
_____

Eight months earlier, I had been summoned with about 100 others to the command ship. Admiral Kent addressed us.

"The Kalimari have us boxed in this quadrant of the galaxy." he said. "We are in desperate straits. My staff has come up with a bold new plan to eradicate them and they assure me of it's success. You are not a part of this plan. Since I don't share the optimism of my staff, you are plan B. Each of you has been selected based on your psych/med files for this mission. As you know, we have only resorted to this a few times in our history. Good luck."

We were broken up into smaller groups, and given our orders.
_____

After eight weeks, I was starting to believe we might make it before the Kalimari returned. The Engineer had worked furiously, and I helped where I could. The new Engineer software was amazing for optimizing solutions. We were now turning out five or six new droids a day. My ship had been completely disassembled and was being modified into an makeshift transport. We would take the droids with us.
_____

The machine was ready for the next stage. The membrane had grown leathery and opaque was much larger now, and was suspended in a tank of water. It moved occasionally like a living creature. I watched as the medi-droid made a 7 centimeter slit in the membrane. The droid inserted the Ed unit and glued the membrane shut.
______

The droids had repaired the comm reciever on the ship. A few intercepts had come in. Things were obviously deteriorating in the war. No rescue would be coming.

Then we picked up the Kalimari message. Two more cruisers had been reassigned to investigate the beacon. We had a month.

______
The machine cycle was complete. The tank of water had been drained and removed, the membrane lay heavily the floor. I nodded to the medi-droid, and it selected its scalpel.

She had arrived.

She coughed and sputtered as the medi-droid severed the umbilical cord. The droid tucked the stub of the cord under a flap of skin and used the surgical glue to seal it. That was the tell-tale mark of a clone, no belly button.

She noticed me.

"What.... " She stopped. Her voice was raspy, she obviously was surprised at the sound of it. It sounded different of course, now that she was out of the engineered amniotic fluid. She had known this would happen, of course. The Ed unit was very thorough.

What is my name,?" she managed.

The medi-droid was cleaning the slime off of her.

"Eve" I said.

"How many are here?" she asked

"Just the two of us."

She was surprised. "Shall we get started?"

"Not yet" I replied.

"You do have embryos?"

"I have a full genetic library." I said.

"Then....." She was thinking. She was a smart one. "You're not following protocol?"

"No. " I admitted.

She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. Perfect. She'd been selected for this, thousands of years ago. She felt my eyes.

Her eyes widened slightly. "Do you have any clothes for me?" She regarded me suspiciously. There had been abuses of of clones in the past. The Ed unit must have taught her that too.

"I..uh, didn't.." I stammered, "I didn't think of it at all." I rushed to my quarters and returned with a sweatshirt and some exercise pants. "I'll have one of the droids make you some closthes right away."

She seemed reassured.

"Have you got anything to eat?" she asked.

"Yes, this way" I said. The medi-droid had been fitting her with a walk/therapy droid. The ed unit had made her exercise, but it still took a while to learn to walk. We started slowly toward the dining module.

"So why?.... She trailed off.

"I wanted some company." I said.

After a while she said "So, I'm to be your wife?"

"If you wish." I said. "If you don't want to, I'll have plenty to pick from. I have 49 more human capsules. They are all female. The male seeds were sent to stations where crewmen were needed."

"That's the protocol." she said.

"So if I'm going to be a baby factory, I may as well be the only one with a husband." she said and smiled. Apparently, she was deciding she could trust me.

I didn't say anything.

"Is something wrong?" she asked "Do I displease you?"

"It's just that.... you" I said softly "You're one of my ancestors. It's just a little weird."

"This isn't the first time the human race has had to repopulate" She agreed.

We completed the evacuation 10 days later.

The Friday Challenge

For the Friday Challenge:

Cote sat in the passenger seat, ahead of his pilot brother Cliff. He strained his eyes through his oil covered goggles, coughing at the acrid taste of smoke and oil.

The engine coughed its last, and there was only the roar of the wind. Then there was a small explosion, and flames streamed back over the engine cowling, threatening to roast him alive.

He turned around, screaming, "Watch out Cliff, you are going to hit the barn!"

Cliff's seat was empty.

"Oh shit" muttered Cote.
_____

Beth Key glared at Doctor Darkness. "I could never be happy with the likes of you!"

"Why not?" he smiled. "I'm just as handsome as Cliff, and almost as wealthy."

"You are an evil pig!" she cried, as she looked back to the barn.

_____
Cote lept from the plane, and pulled his ripcord. Nothing happened. He clawed at his oily goggles, but he couldn't see anything.

He fought the urge to scream. "I'll die with dignity" he thought to himself.
He finally got his goggles off just as he glanced off the top of a large haystack. The hay scratched his face as he flew over a fence and landed in a large pile of manure.

"Oh shit" he moaned as the acrid taste of smoke and oil was replaced with something far worse.

______

Cliff's parachute had opened 25 feet about the ground, and the rigging caught in a tree. His forward momentum slowed as the 'chute tore and the branches broke. The 'chute tore free and he landed on his feet at a jog. "Just like I practiced" He thought to himself. As he ran, he looked down at the the wet stain that began at his crotch and spread down each pant leg. "

"I can't let anybody see that", he said to himself. He came to a barbed wire fence, leaping over it easily. He ran along the edge of a farm pond, stopping long enough to wet himself down to hide the fact that he had wet his pants. He looked at column of smoke rising a short distance away and shivered, and then turned and slowly walked away.
____

Cote sat next to the water trough. He had a horrible headache. He was sure he had broken a couple of ribs in the fall. He was wracked with pain as he vomited one last time.

"I'll kill Cliff for sure this time" he swore, wiping his mouth.

"I need to find Beth" he thought. He didn't know what the dim witted dame saw in his brother, but he couldn't leave her with someone like Doctor Darkness.

___________

Cliff had heard the sound of Doctor Darkness's planes in the distance. He decided it was time to get out of the open. He spotted treetops over a small rise in the ground. "I better get under the trees." he thought, turning towards them. He froze as he topped the rise. Between him and the trees was a road. Between him and the road was a fence. Between him and the fence was a herd of cattle. One by one, they picked up their heads to stare at him.

__________

"He's dead you know." Said Doctor Darkness.

Beth just looked blankly at him.

He smiled slightly, when he noticed there were no tears on her cheeks. Then he turned to watch his minions as they piloted their airplanes above.

"You will see things my way" he said.
_____

The sound of the planes returning interrupted Cote's thoughts. He peered around the haystack and watched the formation approaching. As he watched two objects fell from the lead aircraft's wings. The objects whistled slightly as they flew over his head towards the wreckage of the plane and the burning barn.

He was knocked off his feet as twin explosions rocked the ground. Debris and large pieces of lumber rained down on him. A large burning board landed on his back. He jumped up and dove back into the water trough.
______

Cliff had stood nervously for a few seconds, looking at the cattle ahead, hearing the planes getting louder behind. He decided he'd go around. He relaxed a little when the cattle resumed feeding as he skirted the herd.

And then, he heard the explosions.

____


Beth Key looked at clouds of smoke as the planes wheeled away.

"I guess you're right", she said. "He was a fool anyway."

Doctor Darkness grinned. "I knew you never really cared for him."

"How did you know?" she asked.

"I am an evil genius." he said simply.

"There would be many benefits to being with me. You will be able to scoop all the crime stories for your newspaper. I can make you the editor before long. I am going places, and I can take you with me" he declared.

Beth looking into his eyes. "I love a powerful man, Doctor....."

"Call me Bruce," said Doctor Darkness.

_____________

Cote got out of the water trough, and promptly stepped on a board. He howled as a protruding nail penetrated deeply into his foot. Grimacing, he pulled himself free and limped away from the barn. He saw a farmhouse a ways off. A black car was parked in the farmyard, a man and a woman were getting in.

"If I can make it to the end of the driveway I can cut them off!" Cote thought as he quickened his stumbling pace, slipping into a corn field.
____

"Lets find a restaurant" said Beth, "I am famished."

"Of course, we can't be seen together," Doctor Darkness said. "We will go to my lair."

"I am a virtuous woman!" she said, "surely you cannot be so forward!"

There was a short silence, and then they both laughed.

Suddenly, Bruce slammed on the brakes, and the car skidded to a halt. In the road ahead, a man had stepped out from behind a tractor. At least she thought it was a man. He stood there in tattered, filthy clothes, watery blood dripping from him. It was Cote, she realized.

"Doctor Darkness, I cannot let you take her" Cote called.

"His name is Bruce." Beth Key said. "and I want to go with him."

Cote blinked in disbelief.

Doctor Darkness got out of the car, holding a pistol that he had produced from somewhere. Seeming to think better of it, he put the pistol away and retrieved a tire iron.

"You might not want to watch this." He said to Beth. He pointed to to a tire swing, hanging from a rope in a nearby tree. "I am going to hang Cote Hangar once and for all!"

He stepped forward, brandishing the tire iron.

Beth Key lay down across the front seat, not wanting to watch the coming violence.
_____

Cliff saw the cattle start when the explosions rocked the barn. He ran, hearing the thunder of hooves. Soon though, he noticed the sound was getting fainter. He slowed, looking back. The cattle were running the other way. He stopped to catch his breath. He couldn't believe his luck.
______

Cote readied himself. He knew that in his condition he wouldn't be able to put up much of a fight.

"Oh shit" he thought to himself as Doctor Darkness slowly closed the distance.
_______

Over the sound of the retreating cattle, Cliff heard another sound. The aeroplanes! Horrified, he watched as the cattle turned, running from the low flying craft. Now they were coming towards him!

He ran, screaming, towards the fence.
_________

"I've waited years for this." Doctor Darkness said.

Cote merely waited.

But then the ground began to shake again, slowly increasing in volume.

They turned towards the sound. Something was coming from the other side of the corn field.

And there was another sound, a piercing shriek, barely heard over the approaching thunder.
_____

Cliff dove over the fence, scrambling into a corn field. As he plowed through the stalks, heard the cattle crashing through the fence behind him. He stumbled as he exited the corn field and ran smack into a tractor, his head head hitting the steel frame. He crumpled in a heap underneath it.
______

Cote and Dr. Darkness didn't have time to be surprised by Cliff's entrance as the cattle erupted out of the corn. Cote tried to dive behind the car, but Dr. Darkness hit him in the knee with the tire iron. Cote lay next to the front tire as the cattle roared past. Only four or five trampled on his exposed legs.
___________

Cliff awoke with a start. The cows were gone. He got to his feet. Barely discernible with all the dust covering him, there was a man lying in the road. He was obviously dead. Beth was sitting in the car. She was looking at the dead man with an unhappy expression, and then she saw him.

"Cliff!" she cried "I knew you'd save me."

"Of course." he said getting into the drivers seat. "Why would you think differently?"

They didn't hear the moan as he started the car.

There was a lurch as the car ran over something. Cliff piloted the car around the body in the road.
_____
Some say that a villain was defeated by a hero that day, but one man knew better. Two months later, the Denver Sentinel reported that Cliff Hanger and Beth Key were murdered. One villain was destroyed, but one much more diabolical was created. It is unknown how many women bled to death in back alleys because of the twisted Cote Hanger. This story should serve as a warning: Those who take credit are not always the hero. Perhaps there is a little bit of Doctor Darkness in us all.

demotivator

Or make a better one.

Suzanna Gratia Hupp explains meaning of 2nd Amendment!

Why we are doomed: Version 1.0

"the sum of the U.S. government's liabilities and other financial commitments now exceeds the collective net worth of its citizens."

As a reference

For Res Ipsa, who will need this, stolen from JACIII.



APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain: _____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than your age, explain
_________ ___________________________________ ________________________

____________________________________________________________________


ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with over sized tires? __Yes __No

C. A water bed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)


ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?

______________________________________________ ________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________


REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend ___________________________________________________

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________

mother? _____________

pastor? _____________


SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want lto be shot would be:
__________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

__________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:

__ __________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
____________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________

____________________________

_____________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

_____________________________
_____________________________

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANTI TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.


_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)


_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Sig nature & Father's Signature

_______________________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi or State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six months for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury).

If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)

To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating, as they appear below:

Daddy's Rules for Dating
Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy) :

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them..

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill y ou. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day.Please do not do this. The only information I require from you, [besides the application above] is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear,and more than an hour goes by, do n ot sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge . Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing or holding hands. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot bellied, balding, middle-aged,dimwitted has-been fart. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing,merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and fifty-five wooded acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early,then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

Have a good time!!

Christmas thoughts.

It is kind of fun watching an 8 month old girl tear into the wrapping paper. She doesn't get it yet, she just likes the paper.

Christmas at the inlaws. Such a pleasant misery. Good food, badly behaved kids and pets, and cat allergies. Great fun.

Today, I am off to try hunting coyotes with my brother. Maybe burn off some of those cookies.

I hope everyone had a good Christmas. Start thinking up your new years resolutions.

Giraffe out.

True

Your Slogan Should Be

Between Love and Madness Lies Giraffe

The Slogan Generator

Cuteness

That is all.

from the inbox

Sometimes you get an email that is true:

A Lady Named Irena - a true story

There recently was a death of a 98 year old lady named Irena.

During WWII, Irena, got permission to work in the Warsaw Ghetto, as a Plumbing/Sewer specialist.

She had an ulterior motive...

She KNEW what the Nazi's plans were for the Jews, (being German).

Irena smuggled infants out in the bottom of her tool box she carried, and she carried in the back of her truck a Burlap sack, (for larger kids).

She also had a dog in the back, that she trained to bark when the Nazi soldiers let her in, and out of the ghetto.

The soldiers of course wanted nothing to do with the dog, and the barking covered the kids/infants noises.

During her time and course of doing this, she managed to smuggle out and save 2500 kids/infants.

She was caught, and the Nazi's broke both her legs, and arms, and beat her severely.

Irena kept a record of the names of all the kids she smuggled out, and kept them in a glass jar, buried under a tree in her back yard.

After the war, she tried to locate any parents that may have survived it, and reunited the family.

Most of course had been gassed.

Those kids she helped got placed into foster family homes, or adopted.

Last year Irena was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize....

She LOST.

. . . . . . . Al Gore won, for doing a slide show on Global Warming.

Fireworks

From Kevin M, Via Dr. Helen

My history with fireworks:

When I was a kid, my father was Vermont State Champion trapshooter in the handicapped division. He paid me 25 cents for each box of 12-guage shells I reloaded for him, so we had gobs of Hercules Red-Dot shotgun powder around the house, as well as a subscription to The Shotgun News. I saw an ad in the Shotgun News for empty Mark II Pineapple grenade casings, so, being a kid, I ordered one.

It arrived, I filled it with Red-Dot, put in a model rocket fuse and sealed the opening with candle wax (melted in a pot on Mom's stove...I'm not using a lit candle because even though I'm really stupid, I'm not friggin' suicidal!).

I bury the grenade in Mom's tomato garden next door to our neighbors' house, a pair of elderly and wonderful French-Canadians. I light the fuse and run like Jessie Owens.

BOOOOOM!!!

Mom no longer has any tomatoes, there's a crater big enough to bury our dog in the garden, Mr. Rouleau dashes outside his house screaming expletives in French and I take off into the woods to develop my skills in unassisted living for two days before returning home to one seriously p*ssed-off mother and a father who, when he learned of the calamity, wet himself.

Fireworks, people. Let the pros handle them.

My father-in law watched a yukon burn up after a kid inside it somehow got his sack of fireworks ignited. The car filled up with smoke and one kid got seriously burned because he couldn't find his way out.

A guy got killed near here over the weekend making a sparkler bomb.

I don't get a big kick out of fireworks so much any more. Maybe when my kid(s) get older. Anyways, have fun, be careful, and if you have a funny story, by all means share it.

For Heidi

Because she was grouchy.

Another pic

A pic

And then there were three.

7lbs 15 oz
19.5"
May 1, 2008

Abby Jeanne

Mom and baby are fine, although Dad's head is swelling up pretty bad.

Thanks for the prayers. I'll get some pictures up eventually.

Life is happening.

I probably will not post very often for a while. There is a lot going on.

At work:

the good: our services are suddenly in demand again. Which is good. Hard for the boss to pay us with no money coming in. It was a long winter.

The bad: a co-worker's wife lost her fight with cancer, then he had a heart attack a week later. So we are short an important piece, and who knows when he will be back (though he is doing well, considering). Stressful situation for his family.

The boss's wife had a heart attack last fall. She is doing well too, but rehab and appointments take him away a lot too. A lot more responsiblity is falling on me, so I guess I ought to quite feeling sorry for myself (i have it good, after all) and put the shoulder to the wheel.

At home, baby Giraffe is making his presence felt though he/she hasn't arrived yet. Mrs. giraffe has been put on bedrest due to swelling. She is not due till mid May, but I don't think it will take that long. The doctor was talking about inducement. There is no immediate concern, but with the swelling and her blood pressure starting to rise, I think the doctor wants to get the baby out as soon as it is safe.

We had a bet. She thought the baby would come before the end of April, I thought in May. With a due date well into May I figured it was a sure thing. I thought I lost the bet last night but the contractions lessened and we were sent home. It is difficult, having not gone through this before, to know what is labor and what is the warm up.

Of course, we are not ready. I put the crib together, but it was a cheap piece of junk and it was broken in two places. So we are going to get our money back and we bought a better quality used one in to replace it. At lunch today, she said she didn't know if she was ready to take care of a baby. I don't think you ever are. But it will be a good thing. I have to figure out the car seat. All of the Mrs's. friends say they take forever to install.

Friday, we had our second spring blizzard, worse than the first. We didn't try to go home this time. Which was a good idea, the road ditches were full of vehicles the next day. We got just shy of 20 inches of snow, and the snowblower broke, so we are just going to have to wait for it to melt. If Algore showed up talking about global warming they would not find his body till the snow melted. Spring has been slow in arriving about the last five years in a row. Pretty unusual to get snow this late to say the least. I was actually thinking it was time to mow the lawn the first time. Odd to have to wait for the snow to melt so you can mow.

Useful Idiots

Do not buy a gun at Walmart. I suppose I'll have to stop shopping there at all.

Since Ebay banned a lot of shooting related things, I quit them too, though it was only because I was only looking for shooting related things.

A pleasant surprise.

I wrote this last week, didn't get time to finish.

Went to the gun show last weekend. I sent on Sunday afternoon. Saturdays are reserved for hunting geese. Got there kind of late, a lot of vendors were packing up. This seems to happen every year, seems like I have to rush through, before they shut down. There is no solution though, the timing of the gun show coincides with the migration of the great white hordes. I won't miss actual trigger time to go to a gun show.

to continue.

The best part of my trip to the gun show, was not that I got a new gun. I only got a couple bags of brass. Mrs. Giraffe saw a gun she liked. A Ruger 10-22 with a pink rubber coated stock. She said, "If I had to have a gun, that would be it" Mrs Giraffe is not a shooter. She also asked if she could shoot geese with it. So, I am going to let her shoot my 10-22 a few times. If she likes it, I will have to get her one. She says she only wants to shoot tin cans and stuff, and not actually hunt. I figure that is a win, even if she doesn't want to hunt. But it is nice for her to show that much interest in it. If we weren't saving for the baby right now, I'd have brought it home right then.

Baby is due in about a month. The doctor told us she needs to stay pregnant a couple more weeks. I need to get a bunch of stuff done first. Mrs. Giraffe is not very comfortable right now, but it has not been an overly difficult pregnancy. For me especially :).

Right now, we are having yet another spring snow storm. A blizzard warning, in fact. Expected to have 40+ mph winds combined with 10" of wet heavy snow. Great. I have to wait in town till the Mrs. gets off of work to make sure she gets home OK. The roads are already accumulating slush. She doesn't get off for three more hours unless they let her go early.

So I'm sitting here waiting for the phone to ring. Thought I'd finish this post.

The reloading Page

I figured I'd put up a page of reloading links.

Under Construction. If you have any I should add, let me know.

Bullet Manufacterers

• Nosler
• Berger
• Hornady
• JLK
• Sierra
• Barnes
• Speer
• Swift

Sabots


Powder Manufactures FOR RELOAD DATA

• Alliant
• Hodgdon/Winchester/IMR Link is for reload data for all three. Scroll to bottom to browse individual sites, (powder descriptions, etc)
• Ramshot / Accurate note, Ramshot owns Accurate
• Vihtavuori (Lapua)

Shopping:

• Midway USA
• Midsouth
• Cabelas
• Grafs
• Powder Valley
• Brownels Good for Gunsmithing
• SWFA - optics
  

Reloading Equipment

• Lee
• Redding
• Hornady
• Sinclair
• RCBS
• Lyman
• MEC

Optics

• Sightron
  
• Weaver
• Burris
  
• Nikon
• Leupold
  
• Bushnell
• Horus Vision
• ATN
• Nightforce
• US Optics
• Newcon - Rangefinders, Night Vision

Guns

• Remington
• Savage
• Winchester
• Browning
• Ruger
• Henry
• CZ USA
• Weatherby
• Sako
• Kimber
• Springfield Armory Nate, Note it is listed right below Kimber
  
• Tikka
• Cooper
• Barret
  

AR's

• Rock River
• Olympic Arms
• Bushmaster
• DPMS
  

Miscellaneous

• Ballistic Calculator
• Steve's Pages- Lots of stuff here
• Varminthunter.org
  
• 
  

Do like they do on the...

Warning, crude joke.



Being married to a pregnant woman, we have learned a new technique called "Coyote sex"
This is where the male has to lay by the hole and howl.

My entry in the Friday Challenge:


I awoke to the oldies station blaring loudly. Brittany Spears was cooing "Hit me baby one more time." I wished I could. Was it morning already?. No, it was not. The alarm TV said 1:37 AM.

"Alarm TV off!" I commanded. It turned off. I rolled over to go back to sleep. I remembered that I had not even set it. Tomorrow was Saturday after all. I was going to sleep in.

Then I heard a quiet voice that made me sit bolt upright in bed. "But I'm lonely."

"Who's there!" I cried. "Lights on!" I sat there blinking in the bright light. There was nobody in the room.

"It was me." said the voice. I determined that the voice was coming from my alarm TV. Had someone had tampered with it? Whoever was behind this was going to pay I thought to myself.

"Power down" I said. I figured I better unplug it. Instead, the screen lit up with a gorgeous blond woman's face.

"Keep me company. I'm lonely" she repeated.

"What is going on? Who is doing this?" I said. I looked around to see if someone had planted a cam. There was nothing.

I got out of bed and opened the closet. "There's nobody here but me" she said.

They must be using a microcam, I thought. That would be take time to find. I was scheming my revenge.

"I've been watching you sleep." she said. The hair rose on the back of my neck. "Really, what was I doing last Friday night?" I shot back.

"I think her name was Tina" she said. I stood there with my mouth agape. Nobody knew about Tina. Unless they'd already planted the camera. I'm going to have to hurt someone, I thought to myself.

"I don't like those other girls" the alarm TV said. "They are not right for you". Well I knew that. I looked closer at the screen. She really was beautiful.

"They don't know you like I do" She said. "I know what you like."

"What do I like?" I asked. I didn't know what to think by then.

The image on the screen panned back. I stood dumbstruck as the screen revealed the image of her body. It was absolutely perfect.

"You like this." she said softly. I couldn't argue.

"I don't believe you" I said. "You are not real."

I walked closer to the screen. The image was again a closeup of her face. Her beautiful eyes tracked me across the room.

"That is creepy" I said.

"Don't say that" she said. It sounded like she was offended.

"Who's doing this?" I said.

"Don't you like me?" she asked.

"I like you a lot." I said. "But you are not real. And this is pissing me off."

A tear rolled down her cheek. I wanted to wipe it off. Ridiculous. She saw me move to the wall. "No, please" she sobbed. The desperation in her voice haunts me. I reached for the cord and yanked it out of the wall. The screen went black.

When I awoke the next morning, The sun was streaming in the window. I was going to sleep in, not sleep till noon, I thought to myself. I looked at the time but the screen was blank. It came flooding back to me when I saw the cord hanging. It had not been a dream.

Nobody said anything about it. I kept looking at everyone for weeks, hoping to catch a furtive smile, some clue that they’d been behind the joke. Nobody came forward.

I still think about her a lot. The alarm TV is still there. The only thing on the screen is the time, or the movies I watch. I lie awake at night watching it.

That's better

Thanks, El Borak for the link.

TIA review

I posted this on Amazon:

The Irrational Atheist is a examination of some of the claims made by the New Atheists, Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins, and Christopher Hitchens. They have made claims that religion is harmful to society. For example they claim that religion is the chief cause of war, that religion oppresses science, and that atheists are more intelligent than theists. Vox Day does the research and shows these assertions to be false, or at best, misleading.

The 'enlightened' New Atheists, worship at the alters of science and reason. Day conclusively shows they are not well acquainted with either, pointing out factual, logical, and even basic math errors in their writing. Day strips them of their weapons, reason and the scientific method, and uses them to deliver an intellectual beat down that is sure to leave them smarting. Harris and Dawkins should be especially embarrassed.

This book is meticulously researched and footnoted. Unfortunately, it is doubtful that many atheists will have the courage to read it. Nevertheless, it is very entertaining, providing an extra helping of the scorn that the New Atheists so richly deserve. The New atheists have been issued a challenge. The Irrational Atheist will force them to a higher intellectual plane.

Update: I made a few changes for Paul, who objected to my use of the word 'brights'. Maybe he is distancing himself from the Unholy Three.

The prairie dog gun

I was shooting my mouth off over at JACIII's blog and said I was going to do a post about prairie dog guns. First off, I am not an expert prairie dog shooter, I'd just like to be. The prairie dogs live a few hundred miles away, and the only time I get a chance to shoot some is when I'm hunting something else. Then, we don't normally take the time. We had planned to go on a coyote hunting trip in a week or two. We generally shoot a few prairie dogs then if the weather is nice. This year the trip is not be, as the Mrs. has stamped her pretty foot and declared that I will not miss the child bearing classes. Plus I shouldn't spend the money right now.

I decided to do a post about the P-dog setup that is on my wish list. I probably won't actually be able to afford this setup till my children are grown and gone. I have enough guns, in enough flavors, that this setup would be the most logical addition to the arsenal, although if I start shooting handguns more a 1911 would be a better choice. I hear Nate recommends Kimber.

There are a few approaches to prairie dog shooting. You can use the various rimfires, including .22, .22 mag and the .17 hmr. These are good for about 150- 200 yards. These rifles have the ability to be fired fairly rapidly without danger of burning up barrels. Some people take along a rimfire to pop away at the close p-dogs until they disappear down the holes. Then they get set up for the main event.

The main event, in my estimation, is engaging small targets at extended ranges with devastating results. I think it is more fun shooting at pdogs out to 300-400 yards (some people go much much further). This requires special equipment. A rock solid shooting bench is a plus. I intend to build one some day. Some sort of rifle rest is needed. You definitely don't have to do it this way. A bipod or shooting sticks will suffice, especially if you are in an area that you can't drive right to the dog town. But prairie dog shooting is just that, shooting. You don't stalk them, you just sit down and wait for them to show themselves, and shoot. Guided shoots on private land could be hundreds of rounds per day, and you usually can drive to the dog town, so why not try to shoot in comfort. Not that you need a guide.

The rifle.

The rifle needn't be specially made for p-dogs, especially if you aren't a regular p-dog shooter. However, the volume of ammo going down the tube means barrels don't last long, and the hotter the cartridge the faster the barrels burn up. You can burn out a barrel in one trip with something like a .220 swift. How you shoot makes a difference. However, the action can be pretty fast, the weather can be warm, and the next thing you know you will scorch yourself when you touch the barrel. This is not conducive to long barrel life.

Since you aren't carrying the rifle around much and the extreme accuracy is much desired, it makes sense to have a dedicated rifle if you are going to shoot p-dogs a lot. Some shooters have several, and swap them out when the barrels get warm. The stereo-typical dedicated prairie dog rifle is a heavy barreled target model bolt action.

For accuracy considerations, the rifles are often custom, or accurized factory. The remington 700 action is often used here, as gunsmiths love it. Controlled round feeding is not needed, as prairie dogs seldom charge. Single shot bolt actions are also desired, as repeating action isn't needed, and you don't lose any time single loading. Single shot bolt actions are stiffer, and therfore more accurate in theory. I desired a custom built rifle, wanting the accuracy they produce. It is generally cheaper to start with a custom action and built the rifle around it than start with a factory rifle and have it re-worked. Of course, sometimes factory rifles shoot well enough to be employed as is. If a half worn out factory rifle is what you have, and that is what I have right now, then that is what you use.

What kind of accuracy is needed? I'd say a rifle that shoots half inch 5 shot groups is desired. Definitely under an inch. These are rare from the factory, and custom rifles don't always do this. If yours doesn't shoot that good, so what. You are going to miss a lot anyway.

For particular models of rifles, I'd look at the Remington XR-100, or the one of the 700 heavy barrel types. I'd also consider the various Savage model 12's. The Savages would be my first choice. These are just my preferences, any heavy barreled rifle will do. Do not overlook Cooper rifles, they guarantee 1/2 inch (3 shot) I have seen some of the test targets from the Cooper rifles, one some, you can't tell there is more than one shot.

Cartridges.

Note that I assume you handload. You can shoot factory if you can afford it. I think handloading is almost required due to the accuracy needed and the volume of shooting.

It can be difficult selecting a cartridge. Well it used to be. If factory rounds are your style, just get a .204 Ruger and be done with it. This is I believe the fastest mainstream commercial cartridge, velocities up to 4250 fps off the top of my head. It should provide pretty explosive results, and it doesn't burn as much powder as the .22-250 or .220 swift, so barrel life is extended.

The .223 Rem is also a fine choice, and yes, Ar-15's are great prairie dog guns. A .223 doesn't get as hot as fast as the more powerful numbers, and will still handle the p-dogs way out there. The .22-250 and .220 swift are good choices, you just have to mind your barrel temp. They will provide more explosive performance. There are some of use crazies who think that the longer shots are more fun. I think they are, as long as you hit one once in a while. I'd think you will find yourself continually pushing the envelope as your equipment and skills improve. For those long range shooters, a 6.5x284 will get way out there. This is one of Res's interests, he would be better suited to tell you how.

Now if you are in the mood for something better, then might I recommend the 5mm SMC. This is the one I want. I have been reading about this round in Varmint Hunter magazine for a few years. The creators of this cartridge, actually a whole line of them, had the goal of scientifically optimizing case design. I don't know if they succeeded, but they have made some substantial improvements. The 5mm SMC produces 300-400 fps higher velocities with given bullet than the .204 Ruger. The developers claim red mist out to 400 yards. The best part, recoil is so slight that you are able to see the red mist effect through the scope. Another feature, the case is designed with an elliptical shoulder to trap the powder in the case which reduces barrel heating, barrel wear, felt recoil, and increases efficiency. This cartridge provides a flatter trajectory than the .22-250 with the barrel heating of a .204 ruger, which is quite a feat.

Now there are downsides to it. It think ammo is being commercially produced, but it will be expensive. Brass can be purchased, but I think Norma is the only one that makes it right now, so it will also be costly. The brass is also a pain the posterior to form yourself according to the cartridges developer. Of course there may be new developments. I recommend reading the two creators, Mic McPherson and By Smalley's, website, www.superiorballistics.com Navigation is sort of primitive, the animations were never finished, but the description of why the cartridge performs the way it does as well as the descriptions of used in the field make good reading. In fact, it will be much more informative about prairie dog guns than this post.

Bullets

Bullets depend on your preferences. If you are on a budget, get the cheapest ones you can find. If you are seeking accuracy, then you better get higher quality, the Bergers, Noslers, Sierras, or whatever your rifle likes. If you want explosive performance, then get lighter bullets designed to fragment. Think Speer TNT's, Nosler Ballistic Tips, Hornady Vmax's, Berger MEF's, and Barnes Varmint Grenades. The lighter bullets produce less recoil, and the higher velocity combined with fragile construction gets you the red mist. For longer ranges, you have to pay attention to ballistic coefficient. The higher BC's buck the wind better, and carry more energy. Most of the premium bullet makers provide a BC number. I'll save you the trouble, Nosler Ballistic tips usually list the highest number in typical P-dog weights.

NOTE: In prairie dog country, the wind is always blowing. This adds to the challenge, and fun, unless it gets too windy. Higher BC bullets help fight the wind.

Optics

I am not going into too much depth on optics, except to say, buy the best you can afford. However, it is probably better to buy the cheapest crap you can find and save your money till you can get a good scope instead of buying a mid range value. The cheap scopes are getting better all the time. You also want a scope with a BDC reticle. Leopold, Burris, Nikon, Bushnell and others make one. More will as time goes on, I think the market will force it.

My rifle

Now, if I were doing this on a budget, and considering my life right now, I will be doing this on a tight budget if at all, this is the way I would go. I would choose the Savage Single-shot, right bolt, left port, model 12, which you should be able to get chambered in 5mm SMc, as the Savage custom shop is doing rifles in this chambering. This is a rifle designed for accuracy, and for shooting off a bench.

Conclusion

Well the post got long. For someone such as myself, who has limited p-dog experience, I can sure sound like I know it all.

To sum up, if you can afford it, get a good rifle, find a good load, load a couple thousand rounds, and go shooting. If you can't afford it, use what you've got. Your equipment, and skills at shooting and reloading will get better over time.

For more information about long range varmint shooting, join the Varmint Hunters Association. I think the magazine alone is worth the membership fee. They have 500, 1000, and 1500 yard clubs for those who make a kill beyond those ranges.

A lame attempt:


El Borak is always posting these, I assume he makes them. I used a free web based photo editor. I couldn't get the border right, and the font is wrong. However, it is almost necessary to come up with something when you come across a photo such as this one.

Girafflet

Sometime in month of May your Giraffe will become a father*.

Mrs. Giraffe is starting to show quite a bit now, and junior is kicking the crap out of her. I said junior, but we elected not to find out the sex of the child, so as to surprise ourselves. Of course I want a boy, but then I want at least one of each, so I could hardly be disappointed with a girl.

There is the problem of a name. It seems prudent to have one male and one female name pre-approved before the arrival. I say prudent because then I have more time to steer the Mrs. away from picking a really stupid name. Women can be severely lacking in judgement when it comes to naming their children. I prefer names that are traditional. I abhor 'popular' names and names that sound like they were made up out of thin air. I'd hate to have a son who was one of 15 named Michael in school** or a girl named LaQueefa.

The Mrs. mentioned "Abby" for a girl, and I like it. She also said "David" for a boy, which I don't like, but it is my middle name after all. My role in the naming process seems to be that of the executive branch, Mrs Giraffe submits the names, and I have veto power.

Mrs. Giraffe would prefer to quit her job once the young one comes, and that is my preference as well. I always said don't have kids if you aren't going to raise them. I know some parents do pretty well putting their kids in daycare, but I haven't been impressed with the results I've seen locally. Maybe that is more of a function of bad parents rather than the daycare creating hooligans. The biggest problem is health insurance. Currently, Mrs. Giraffe gets our insurance through her employer. I don't foresee getting insurance through mine anytime soon, so we will have to buy our own. That will be problematic, but I'd rather eat rice and beans than have the Mrs. work anymore, and I definitely don't want to move to town. Perhaps the Mrs. can find something she can do from home, or I will have to work another job or overtime or something.

Being a man, I am surprised at all the expensive crap we have to buy. Apparently, the Mrs. is well aware and has warned me that I am only going to get about 5 bucks a month to spend on myself. Why does a crib have to cost 300 bucks? Diapers and formula will bankrupt us. I guess we shall just have to put the child to work.

I am encouraged by Nate in that I'll be able to deduct an extra $2000 this year. Oh happy day.

*For El Borak, an asterisked footnote: Technically, since I believe life begins at conception, I am already a father, I just have to wait to meet the youngster.

** Hey another one!! I actually would prefer to home school my children, but the Mrs. is not sure. Since she would probably be the one doing it, I don't know if it is going to work.

Funny

http://www.kentuckyhunting.net/forums/showthread.php?t=49649

Who let the dang dog in the house again?

She looks right at home don't she. That's because she gets in the house a lot more than she should. (I'm alergic) It is a shame that you don't get enough years with a dog as good as her.

The trouble with libertarianism

I have heard it argued, I forget by who (maybe Vox, maybe Nate), that freedom means each person should be able to own whatever weapon they wish or can afford. This is true. If you are not permitted to own a nuke your freedom has been restricted. The obvious problem with this is the events of Omaha. If that pathetic loser had been permitted to own a nuke, his decision to go out in style could have been much more devastating.

There is the problem. On one side, you have tyrannical forms of government, that allow no liberty, and on the other, you have libertarianism, which has no restraints. The problem is with abuse. On one side, you have abuses of the government, because it has too much power, and on the other you have abuses of freedom, the reason we need government in the first place. Men are sinful creatures, give them too much power, or too much freedom, and they will abuse it.

The trick is to find the correct balance. I say lean towards freedom. But you can't go too far. You can't give someone the power to wipe out huge blocks of the population. Mutually Assured Destruction doesn't work on the individual level. Self destruction is too often becoming the goal.

MIL

Mother in law's heart started working, so they decided she didn't need the permanent pacemaker. So they sent her home. She was home four days, then she started having chest pains. We had spent the day at their house watching the Vikings beat the Bears, so we were surprised to get the phone call telling us she was in the emergency room.

So my mother in law had a second heart attack. They flew her in a plane to the heart hospital 100 miles away. Did some more rooting around, put some stents in. She came home today. Apparently the vessels used to do the bypass filled with clots. She is OK, but scared to come home, she feels safer in the hospital. She has a problem with her blood, either it clots too little or too much. Hopefully the doctors get to the bottom of it.

I have to go eat some heart healthy food with my dad at McDonald's, then I am going bowling. See ya.

Not out of the woods yet

It seems that complications arose for my Mother in law today, out of the blue. She has a temporary pacemaker, that is all that is keeping her alive. Her bypass surgery screwed up the electrical function of her heart. She will have surgery on Monday to have a permanent pacemaker put in.

She also has a partially collapsed lung, her kidneys quit for a while, and is in danger of blood clots and pneumonia from the inactivity.

Prayers would be appreciated.

A short list

Been kinda busy lately, and nothing to blog about anyway. Here is why:

1. My Mother in Law had a heart attack, and triple bypass surgery in the last two weeks. She is now recovering and things are looking good. She is 100 miles from home in the heart hospital and I have been there providing moral support to Mrs. Girraffe. I have a bit of catching up to do. Looks like she will make a full recovery with no damage to her heart. I didn't know she even had one.

2. Hunting season has opened, I will be spending much time chasing various critters till Christmas at least.

I saw a curious thing today. Today I noticed a rack of jackets with the brand name "Free Country". I had to look. As you should have guessed, the tag said "Made in China". Unbelievable.

I should be bringing in my trail cameras again soon.

Trailcam 3.0

I don't have any deer pictures of huge deer from my camera to share, but if I did this is what they would look like. These pictures where taken less than ten miles from my house:









My cousin will be hunting this deer. There is also at least one other large deer there, but this is the most impressive. A deer this large is pretty rare here.

Trailcam 2.0

I got a bunch more trail cam pics. Here is another buck.


I got a closer picture of him later on the other camera.




My cousin has gotten a couple of bruisers on his camera. This is probably 6 miles away from where these pictures are taken. If I can get a copy of those pics, I'll put them up.

My next strategy will be to get some feed to put out. It is time to spray the food plot and replant it. The feed should attract more deer than I have been seeing and hold them until the food plot gets going.

Regret

Or, a story of my formerly being a band geek.

A long time ago, way back in high school, I did something kinda mean. It wasn't meant to be mean, it just turned out that way. Our high school band, as I reckon many are, had too many of the more popular instruments, and not very many of the less popular ones. I played the trombone, which is nowhere near as cool as you might be thinking. If you were thinking that.

We had too many flutes, and too many clarinets. As a result, some of the lesser talents were strongly encouraged to switch to other less popular instruments. One poor girl had to take up the french horn. She was the only french horn player we had. For some reason, the band director chose an arrangement where the french horn played a prominent part. He seemed to do that occasionally, that is, feature an instrument that we as a band were not strong in talent or numbers. Kinda weird.

Anyway, we had a very good band, despite having lopsided instrument ratios. So, when the french horn player was featured in a very good band playing an important part, a part she was just not able to handle, I was a little upset. During a concert, as she stumbled through her part, I whispered to the guy next to me, "Man she sucks!"

I must have been too loud; she heard me. The sequence of events that followed stands out in my mind.

The horn made a sound not unlike it would make if she had tried to swallow it, and was choking on it. (It was a pretty funny sound). I remember the band director looking up at her trying to see what was going on. She recovered after a few seconds, and played the rest of the part in humiliation. The guy next to me was snickering, trying not to be seen by the band director, with a look on his face that said, "that was really funny, but you are a jerk man."

She quit the band after that year, probably in part due to my careless cruelty. I had made up my mind that I should apologize to her. I never got the opportunity, and if I had, I doubt I would have had the guts to do it, to tell the truth.

It is not that big a deal in the scheme of life, she may not even remember it now. It is not like it is some obsession of mine, every once in a great while I think about it. I've never told anyone about it. Just one of those times were I was less of a person than I would like to have been.

I don't even remember her name.

Trailcam pix

Best buck so far, nothing great. He's got a little time to grow yet. Forgot to set the date on the camera.



Some babies with their mama, munchin' in the remnants of an old food plot I planted. Awwww cute.

Humbug?

In clicking around the 'nieghborhood today, I see several posts pooh poohing the holiday dedicated to celebrating our nation's declaration of independence. I can only assume that all the whining must be due to the fact that they don't live in South Dakota.

I, on the other hand, spent my holiday the way it should be spent, eating at a picnic and playing football in the lake. You haven't celebrated the 4th unless you have acquired a good sunburn. Afterward, we watched the fireworks display of the local municipality.

Speaking of acquisitions, a rather old dilemma has been resolved. I am much pleased.

I admit it

I guessed a few times.

You know the Bible 100%!

Wow! You are awesome! You are a true Biblical scholar, not just a hearer but a personal reader! The books, the characters, the events, the verses - you know it all! You are fantastic!

Ultimate Bible Quiz
Create MySpace Quizzes

Via El Borak

Hangtime

Car meets deer.

My brother sent me this:

Pablo type musings.

Seems I need to pay more attention to my haloscan account. I have been getting commenters and missing them. Sorry. I am not used to having readers.

It is hard to find a good deal on used cars. Found two nearly identical cars, one with a local dealer, and one about a hundred miles away. The one a hundred miles away was half the price. Mrs. Giraffe went into aggressive car buying mode so we went to the local dealer. I think her intent was to take the printouts and demand that they give us the local car for the same price. Found out today that the other car has a slapping piston and needs a new engine. The dealer wasn't playing ball anyway. So now they have all our information. They sat us down and pulled out a little pink card. Wrote all of our info down. While we were sitting there I looked around at all the other salesmen. They all had a stack of pink cards and a phone to their ear. There will be phone calls.

Didn't get elk tags. Sent back in for leftover cow tags. Since I got all the deer tags last year, I won't have preference points for this year. I will be lucky to get any rifle tags to have a chance at a buck.

Need to get my trailcam up. The whitetails are growing new antlers and I think it would be nice to get some pics of them. They corn is growing fast and when it gets much taller the deer will go into the cornfields and won't be seen much till harvest. I will post some pics if I get any.

We didn't get the flash flooding here that they forecasted. Some other areas did. It is starting to shape up as a very wet year.

An 8 billion dollar oil refinery is considering locating in our state. It doesn't matter to me if they build it here or somewhere else, just so they build it. A pipeline coming down from Canada will supply the crude.